Hey everyone, I hope you are all well and good today. I’m going to talk to you about my struggles of living with mental health, and my last two therapy sessions I have had, and how I think they are going, and how my therapist has challenged, me and I’m finding it hard.
I’ll give you example. My partner could ask me to make her a drink, so I’ll go put the kettle on and start making a coffee, but in fact she has asked for a latte, so then I will call myself an idiot, and a thick c@@t. Sorry for the bad language. This makes me feel bad, but also makes me feel useless, as I feel I can’t get a simple task right. My therapist has now told me to say something different when this happens. I need to say to myself what’s the worst that can happen. And she’s right, what is the worst that can happen. My partner moans, which she don’t. So I’m beating myself up for no reason, So, Ive started to spend a lot of time saying to myself, what is the worst that can happen?
Another one of The things I struggle with is, when I’m in a group setting and everyone is talking, I tend not to say anything, because I’m worried that because I don’t understand what the conversations on about most of the time, I will just nod and laugh while watching others reactions to what’s being said. I shouldn’t feel like this but I just don’t feel comfortable to say anything to the group. It’s a feeling of being seen as stupid, which makes me uncomfortable and reluctant to join in.
Also when I get asked to try new things, for example, the project I’m involved in at Burgh Castle. We have an artist come in to show us arts and crafts. This subject is not top on my to try list, but I will give it a go. But then the negative thoughts and voices comes flooding through, telling me I’m no good, I can’t do this, I’m useless, and it makes me mad with myself. I huff and puff and try my best, and I finally achieve something resembling what we have been shown, but I do it, I complete it, I succeed. When I finish, I sit back and can now say, “up yours thoughts and voices telling me I can’t.”
So it’s been just over month now that I’ve started with a new therapist from the local mental health team. I was so nervous about starting. My first session came up, and we talked about how I feel when making mistakes. We also talked about what do I want from the therapy, and I replied that I wanted her to help me with my anxiety, and to help me stop beating myself up verbally all the time.
Second session was harder for me. It was hard because we talked about how much pride or belief I have in myself, and how I don’t hold myself in high regard. I have a low opinion of myself, so my therapist challenged me to say something nice to myself each morning. So it’s now day four, and I’ve got my Facebook page and twitter followers involved with it, and I’m really surprised of how it makes you feel better about yourself, when your not constantly putting yourself down for no reason reading others positive thought helps loads too, so a quick thank you to all who have sent positive words.
Thinking positive can have a huge effect on your mental health, so I’m trying to turn a negative thought into a positive one from now on, try it and see how much more positive you will feel doing just this one simple trick.
I know some days are worse than others, but even those days can be made into positives.
Keep well, think great thoughts, and let me know how your doing. Because I’m doing great!!!